Does your future career as an anti-second amendment activist need a boost? Do you feel like the progressive anti-gun lobby could use more self-righteous leaders like you? Is standing on the graves of victims just not doing enough for your political ambitions? Or perhaps, you just exhausted your 15 minutes of fame and need to buy more time?
Self-Inflicted-Injuries-Inc is the industry leader in creating high-impact fictitious threats. Over the years, we have helped many gun-control celebrity activists—like Jussie Smollett—achieve their objective to remain relevant. Let us help you with your next cynical posturing initiative.
With our proven process, you will be able to boost your social media traffic and get that much-coveted nod of approval from Bill, Hillary, Beto, Nancy, and Joe.
To use our method, just follow these four simple steps:
- Download this decal and print it with some suggestive text about someone threatening you with gun violence. We suggest you use vague language and a lot of ellipses (…) to avoid getting into trouble with law enforcement.
- Place the note under your car’s windshield wiper and take a picture of it.
- Publish the picture on your favorite SM platform and add some text a long the lines of:“Debated whether to share this, & after a lot of thought here it is,”
“Last week I’m leaving my home for work & I find this paper under my windshield. One does not have to see the rest of the sentence that was covered to understand the intent of this message, a Death Threat!”
- Now, sit back, and enjoy the likes and supportive feedback.
Note to User: It is critical that you don’t take multiple pictures of the note before and after you place it under the wiper blade. Doing so, may ruin the entire effect by creating a visual history of the age progression of the note. Remember! The note can’t look less wrinkled after you remove it from the windshield. If you must crease the paper (for that extra authentic look) do it horizontally or vertically, don’t create a diagonal crease because it looks fake. Also, it’s better not to take the picture of the note on the windshield inside your house garage, the one with the advanced ADT home Intrusion detection system and the CCTV camera. Doing so may raise pesky questions about how the imaginary perpetrator got into your garage undetected and why you don’t have a picture of him.
Image 4: A free gun violence clipart (just copy and paste it into your death threat note)
© Copyright 2020 Yaacov Apelbaum, All Rights Reserved.